butterflies.. and sunshine..

its one of the nicest times of the year..
or rather holidays of the year..
its xmas!

time where we all get together..
have a turkey..
and log cakes.. with cute little ornaments..
this year i see my cousin and his wife to be..
and his friend from oz..

i enjoy such times..
the numerous dinners..
the drinking and dressing up..
the merry making..
i think i always enjoy this time of year..
coz.. first its xmas.. then its new year..
and after that.. i get older! hahaha

and of course not forgetting..
i met someone...

hmm..
i think i am rusty at the whole dating thing..
for 2 years..
it has always been me..
dont have to think about.. where to eat..
what to wear..
what to get for bdays.. or xmas.. (something special.. not the generic ones)
what to say.. the total honest truth..
or just honest enough.. to let him know who u are..
and not to show u are too vulnerable..
how to break it to my parents (who obviously will jump for joy i am not left on the shelf)
when should i introduce him to the family..
how to hold the hands.. when to hold it..
how to tilt the head when u lean in for a kiss..
haha

is there a manual for this? :)

to be totally honest..
i am scared..
maybe for the fact that i am always totally 'abused' in my past relationships..
that when a nice guy appears..
it seems way too good to be true..
that i (for once) dont know how to deal with it..
deal with the nice-ness..
i am afraid that once i fall in.. i wont know wat to do..
i dont wanna hurt a nice person..

well.. i guess.. i already have my foot in..
go with the flow! :)

i love my job, i love the pay!
i love it more and more each day.
i love my boss, and she is the best! (this i totally agree)
i love her boss and all the rest.

i love my office and its location,
i hate to go on a vacation.
i love my furniture, drab and gray,
and plies of paper that grow each day!

i think my job is really swell,
there's nothing else i love so well.
I love to work among my peers,
i love their leers, and jeers and sneers.

i love my computer and its software;
i hug it often though it won't care.
i love each program and every file.
i'd love them more if they worked a while.

i am happy to be here. i am. i am.
i'm the happiest slave of the Firm, i am.
i love this work, i love these chores.
i love the meetings with deadly bores.

i love my job - i'll say it again -
i even love those friendly men.
those friendly men who've come today,
in clean white coats to take me away!

well..
its the time of the year again..
where there is sufficient merry making to make one think..
'so that's where all my money goes to... and where the belly comes from.."

all the hard work u put in..
the exercise.. the tennis..
all down the drain..

but i would like this time of the year more.. only if it was snowing..
i like the present shopping...
also like the fact that i would get presents too..
like the fact that once in a year we all get together and be merry..
be a little bit more dressed up.. and sing the xmas carols.. :)

my cousin is coming back this yr..
together with his gf.. or wife to be..
its going to be fun.. i hope to take a lot of pictures with them..
since i hardly see them..
or maybe it is time i go visit.. :)

sometimes.. deciding on a place for a meal..
is sooo not easy...
the location.. the type of food..
the price.. the drinks involved..
what we intend to wear.. etc..
i jus want a nice dinner.. why cant i have that?
i wonder why it is so difficult to jus decide and go for it..
it is afterall once a year we do something like this..

i dont wanna be holed up in a place and jus do nothing........
i dont want!!!

argh..

I wrote this song, it's not too long
Cause' I've been thinkin' bout' you
I wrote this song, maybe I'm wrong
To be caught up about you

Well I don't know what you think about me
Or maybe you think nothing at all
But maybe you could just lie to me, and
We could be in love, You see

(Chorus)
Oh it's a Singalong Song, it's not too long
It's when I think about you that I hear songs
And you can sing-along, baby if you want to
Cause' baby I wrote this, I wrote this for you

I wrote this song, It's not too long
Cause' I'm the one who loves you
I wrote this song, This can't be wrong
I don't wanna smile without chya.
Well I just want to make you happy
Or maybe you want nothin' at all
And how I wish that you're meant to be
Forever and a Day with me

(Chorus)
Oh it's a Singalong Song, it's not too long
It's when I think about you that I hear songs
And you can sing-along, baby if you want to
Cause' baby I wrote this, I wrote this for you
And every way you mean more to me, than you'll ever know
Girl I'll do my best to show these words are true
And if you like to make a song, and be a perfect harmony
With me, Oh I'd find the greatest words to sing
So we could write our own romance [oh, it's a singalong song, it's not too long, it's when I think about you that I hear songs, and you can singalong, baby if you want to, cause baby I wrote this, I wrote this now, it's just a singalong song it's not too long, it's when I think about you that I hear songs, and you can singalong baby if you want to, cause baby I wrote this, I wrote this for you]

Yea, Yea
Cause baby, I wrote this, I wrote this for you

its time of the year for resolutions..
for making changes..
to bring a new breath of fresh air into our lives..

sometimes..
we reach a point in life..
when we think to ourselves..
what is it we should have at a certain point in life..
or what people think we should have..
a certain age..
comes with a certain 'package'..
weird how people think..

planned a nice night out with a few friends..
to dance the night away..
have a couple of drinks..
since a good friend of mine and i thought we are getting 'thirsty'..
haha

but it did not turn out the way as planned..
well.. not for some people at least..
it was mostly bad..
how things really turn out to be..
we sometimes wonder..
why is it we tend to make a whole lot of judgement on how people lead their lives..
and not really reflect how things really are in their own lives..
why is it we see things only from our own point of view..
and not really (and i mean really) put ourselves in people's shoes..

when i say put yourself in someone else's shoes..
i do not mean.. "what i would do if i were her.."
but.. "hmmm..... if i had her/his character.. and if i were to think the way he/she does.. how would i react then.."
am i making sense?

got to know someone who like to overanalyse..
and i mean seriously over think stuff.. haha
nice person..
but i think he might need to relax a little..
have a little fun..
let go a little..
but not too much till u end up wasted on the streets.. haha

when is it that a feeling..
is not a feeling of convenience..
but a real feeling..?
how do u differentiate...
know when is it something worth going after..
and not a 'jus so happen' thing..

well. we wont know until we try right?..
or may be not..

work is at the moment..
slow and steady..

i am hooked on tennis..
something must be definately wrong with me...
to be hooked on a form of exercise..
considering how 'lazy' i am..
how i like to procrastinate..
and believe that taking a short walk to my aunts house..
is actually exercise!

i just want to keep on playing..
with a little bit of sun..
(and ok.. 3-5pm.. is a little bit more sun than i wanted but i will be there!)
with my sunblock.. and my RF hat..

talking about RF..
i really wish to see him play..
go to melbourne..
to check him out..
i am so afraid that he might retire.. :(
anyone..
wanna go to melbourne with me?
watch the australian open..
watch the top players cross strokes..
smash their racquets..
throw a hissy fit..
smile when they win..
be cool and collected when they enter the court..
flick their hair..
grab their pants out of his ass.. (there is only 1..)
lift the cup and lie on the floor when the title is his..

so.. anyone out there interested..?

had a italian dinner with some ex-colleagues from HK and Zurich..
tons of laughter..
a lot of sharing..
exchange of chocolates.. (or rather.. the ladies got the chocs from a lovely guy)

and suddenly...
i thought about phuture..
have not been there for the longest time..
the amount of fun i had there..
its the memories..
the vomitting..
crying..
now when i think about it..
i realise..
how i have grown..
older..
more mature.. (i hope)

i wanna go partyyyy!!! hahahaha
PHUTURE!!!
someone..
anyone..
hello? :)
its a long weekend..
i SHOULD partyyy.... hahaha
(and also since its pay day on friday!)

the craving for the bag.. ITS STILL HERE! damn......

before u make any judgments on the topic.. or me..
let me explain myself..

i JUST caught the show on Star Movies last night..
not a fan..
neither do i hate it.. (well i cant hate it if i have not caught it right?)

i now understand why girls are so smitten by 'Edward'..
its the character he plays / portrays..
its the kind of guy.. everyone dreams of having..
more the kind of character he is.. not his looks..
but more like the mysterious.. so devotedly in love..
dark.. bad.. yet.. so.... tender and sweet.. protective.. delicious.. (like a yummy treat.. sinful but all soooo good)
its all part of a girl's fantasy.. issent it?

most girls..
wish for a man.. a mysterious man..
to protect them..
to make them feel special..
and protected..
like the only one in his eyes..
the lean and mean physique..
the deep drawn voice..
i am still waiting for someone like that to appear..

and the funny part is.. they glitter in the sun.. (!?!?!)
a little hilarious though.. that part..

anyway.. its another rainy monday morning..
looks like we will be having lots of such mornings here..
dont really like this gloomy weather..
unless i am in London or something..
where i can wear my boots.. my coats..
scarves..
gloves..
tweed jackets..
vintage chanel..
or hermes..
at least then..
i would not mind the gloomy weather.. :)

i like to procrastinate..
delay everything i do..
leave it till tomorrow..
or next week...
or 2 months later..
or someday..

like my shoe plan..
migration plans..
new work plans..
my flea market plans..
weight loss plans..

but then..
sometimes..
its all part and parcel of life issent it? :)

p.s.
recently got a 'craving' for a hermes bag.. (thats not a good sign...)

much has happened since my last entry
much has changed as well..

for starters..
new job.. same people.. haha
been on 2 holidays.. hk and bkk..
bought 2 YSL stuff.. bag and wallet..
hooked on tennis (again!)..
looking for a running partner around my area..
and.. planning to be hooked on exercise to lose some of the weight.. (argh!)

its been raining.. or rather pouring recently..
the rainy season came a little earlier this yr..
hate it..
coz i cant play tennis.. (intending to do it regularly)
wear my sunnies..
or be in my tanks all day..
my toes feel frozen in the office..
had to dig out all my sweaters..
fingers are currently feeling a little numb..
i like the sun!

read one of my older posts..
remembered that i had to take pictures of all my shoes..
added some to the collection recently..
well.. this weekend.. SINCE THE EXAMS ARE OVER!!! :)

been in the office for 3 weeks..
and i still dont have much to do..
i hate this feeling!
i like having things to do..
and i want to learn more things.. get the feel of how things are..
but there is none of this!!

its really quiet in the office..
only sounds of..
the rain pattering down on the window..
the typing on the keyboards..
(one of my colleagues.. seems to have a 'hatred' for the keyboard.. coz she types so viciously! and sometimes the sounds can be a little irritating..)
high heels clicking around..
doors opening and closing..
flickering of pens..
people thinking..

heard from a friend..
that my mind is already deteriorating..
and i am only 26!
am i forgetting more things..
reacting slower to things..

i hope not..

i dont have a boyfriend..
neither do i have a home of my own..
nor do i have my own car..
or a high paying job..
and most importantly..
neither am i entirely happy with my life right now..

so i seriously hope.. my mind aint deteriorating right now..
coz i want to me awake and 'sober' to live thru those times..

i hope..

** alpheus.. is the bottled water i am having everyday.. in the office.. **

i jus love the show...
so romantic..
i jus enjoy the romance..
the sweetness of the whole thing called love..

love should be simple..
romantic..
happy..
make u giggle jus thinking about it..
make u feel sleepless..

ahh...
how nice...

*drools*







 

sometimes..
it is really enjoyable to just relax at home..
to jus be a total bum..
watch tv..
sleep on the couch..
play with my dog..
surf the net..
just be a total bum..

the rain suddenly decided to come down..
and suddenly..
it dampened all moods..
but the sleeping one..

time to have a little dream..
a little dream of a sea of shoes..

i am going to take a picture of ALL my shoes..
(may not be much..)

tomorrow..

written in office on 21 April 2009......

when we all get older
we tend to live very seperate lives..
go our seperate ways..
maybe we were close when we were younger..
but as you grow..
you meet different people..
you also realise that maybe people you used to get along with..
now..
seem different..

of course on the more positive side..
we still have friends whom..
we are all able to still get along..
laugh with..
shop with..
chill with..
these i think..
are the people.. who will go with u till the end..

it could be due to the different priorities in their lives..
maybe..
when u are married..
have kids..
more challending jobs..
different hobbies..

.. if given a chance..
would you wanna go back to 'before'?
but.. would u do anything differently?

.. i wont....

 

written in the office on 13 April 2009

it felt like it was such a long break from work..
then when i stepped into the office today..
i was the ultimate grouch..

"this isn't an office.. it's hell with florescent lighting.."

i realised that..
when we all go for a holiday..
we come back needing another break from the holiday..

odd as it sounds..
if you have a 9-5 job..
and your weekends and holidays are really important..
then u will understand..
coz then people like me.. will try to make full use of the holidays..
wake up earlier.. sleep later..
so the day will seem longer..
which in turn makes me soooo tired..

over the weekend..
met my primary school mates.. and one of the teachers..

oh my god!!!
its so surreal!!

after 14 years..
it felt.. so amazing.. that we could manage to find each other..
and to even meet up..
its so crazy..
and the funny.. (or weird) thing is..
we were unattached..
haha
thus why we were all free to hang out on a Sunday afternoon..
and have no other plans after.. haha

but it felt like so long ago that we were in school..
when i was in my white and blue uniform..
queueing up for my food in the tuckshop..
getting bullierd occasionally..
(that's then.. try it now.. and see wat u get in return!! haha)
playing zero-point..
five stones.. (i was good at this!)
going for my swimming training..
meeting all sorts of people..

i wanna go back to my school days..

this was written in the beginning of the year..
but somehow got lost in my emails..
so.. thought maybe i should give it some sunshine.. a
nd see some light..
better late then never.. we always think...
(or most of the time.. at least in where i am from..)

we women are one step ahead of men in fashion..
men.. they only need one bag for everything they do..
like one sports bag..
one office briefcase / bag..
one luggage..
one hand carry bag..
and one clutch.. clutch??
men? with a clutch bag?

hmm.. we only see that on the runways of paris.. milan.. NY.. here?
yes! men from china usually think a black clutch shows their wealth..
(of course it goes best with coarse gold chains..)

**disclaimer.. i am not a big fan of them though.. only on models.. :)

a man from china..
chinese businessmen..
usually carry with them..
a black leather-looking clutch..
which usually goes hand-in-hand with gold accessories..
thicker the better..
polo tee.. or a flowery shirt..

and to think we women thought the clutch was a female thing..
but still...
who cares...
i jus looove my mustard-coloured large clutch from ADU...
so SJP..

Obviously
I am in the office.. so totally bored..
Its not that I have nothing to do..
it jus that I am so sick of the work..
Love my colleagues.. hate the job..
You know?
(somehow I think this is everyone's view..)
Argh..
How is it possible to get out of this rut?

I have an urge..
A totally crazy urge to find something to do..
With or without the money..
I jus wanna do something so out of the ordinary..
That..
To just get out of my social circle..
My work circle..
My life rut..

I think I have this tendency to do crazy things..
At times..
I wanna do crazy things..
I feel like I am wasting my life..
My youth.. jus doing something I am so not interested in..
And jus letting myself be stuck into this rut..
This situation and not find a way out..

A colleague's grandma jus passed away..
And it got me to think..
My grandma led a really good life..
Never worked in her life..
btw she is about 94 yrs old.. I think..)
Although she had to go through the war..
And had to give away one of her daughters..
She still led quite a blessed life...
Has 3 sons and 3 daughters to help her with her life expenses..
Could go round all the time living with all her children and her grandchildren..
Go out and buy expensive herbs.. get her hair done..
Visit her friends..

But now.. she can barely recognise any of us..
Hardly can walk.. or feed herself..
Or control her bowels..
gets you thinking..
do u wanna live like that when u are old?

Family members would wanna keep the elder with them for as long as possible..
But when u look at them.. don't u think that they are suffering..
Or that in their illness or pain.. they might be blaming you for making them suffer all this while?
Trying to keep them alive?

Do you wanna live like that if you happen to be say bed-ridden..
Or anything like that..?

Got some of my colleagues thinking..
I asked dale..
Do you wanna hang on for dear life when u have an illness and know that it is really difficult to cure..?
Well.. if she has kids.. and was not too old.. (say maybe over 80?) she would..
She would wanna get well.. try to be there for her kids..
But doreamon said.. young or old..
She would not want her family to waste money on her..
She would want to let go..
Me.. I don't know..
But if I were young.. but I know it would be a waste of money and resources..
And I wont be cured..
I think I would wanna let go too..
I don't wanna put my family through too much..

But if I were old.. I would want them to let me go..
It might be better.. less suffering..

What would u do?

i am in the office..

my eyes are closing...
the radio is playing some song.. that sounds like britney...
it is thundering away outside..
the rain is coming down really harshly..
i feel so tired..
jus like every other day...
i wanna go home.. snuggle under the blanket..
sleep and sleep..
and wish my blackberry aint lost..
dream about a cutie..
envision the fun we 3 friends can have.. (i think this time.. i wanna take pictures.. i want the memories forever..)
entertain browny.. (who i think sometimes think i am mad.. haha)
can i go home now?
can i jus pack up.. leave the work behind..
the bitchy colleague behind and go home?

I want to break free
I want to break free
I want to break free from your lies
You're so self satisifed I don't need you
I've got to break free
God knows God knows i want to break free

I've fallen in love
I've falen in love for the first time
And this time I know its for real
I've fallen in love yeah
God knows God knows I've fallen in love

a song that i like... and seems like i wanna break free from the office...
i am so desk bound that i feel my ass growing by the minute..
and so thats why i cant fit in my jeans? argh...

i wanna go home... yawnz..
i wanna take some pictures.. of my parents.. of my friends..
of my brother.. of my browny.. of my colleagues.. my family..
of the fun we gals always have..
and keep them forever... and ever..... can that happen?

In the office...

was watchin a reality show last night..
and heard this really interesting quote from a really interesting designer...





sometimes.. in the world of reality tv..
you wonder.. if the people are nice to the characters.. coz they are filming..
or jus nice coz they too are nice?

sometimes... when girls jus wanna have fun...
we can...
and we do... we jus go all out...
and sometimes.. we either go back...
wasted.. smelling like LIT...
or.. totally sober..
or damn.. whos that guy?

a girls night out.. can mean many things..
we can spend all that time..
talking over dinner...
about how the food tastes..
about our day at work..
or certain changes we might wanna make in out lives...
and find out things about each other..
we never really knew.. haha

or we can plan a night out...
to have all the fun we can have while single..
dress to the nines..
decked out in our dancing shoes (sort of)..
and heading to the coolest of places...
looking for the one to have fun with...
and all the things that can happen...
hahahahaha
and all the fun we can have...
ahhh....
how wonderful my 2 friends are...
love them to bits...

how can i not love them...... :)

the kind of fun we can still have... at our age? haha
amazing...

and whoever took my phone..
please return it to me... i would love u too if u returned it to me...
i miss my blackberry...

written in the office..... on Friday 27th March..

Realised that in my drawers and in my little boxes..
I have hidden away..
A lot of accessories.. Necklaces.. bracelets.. earrings..

Some of which bring back such wonderful memories..
Like the string of earrings which I received on my first xmas day with him..
And the open heart necklace.. which was one of the most ex pressies from him..
All these.. while packing..
Brings back such fond memories.. of happier times then.. Hahaha
oh well.. it was when I was young..

Sometimes.. looking at those things..
I see myself grow up..
The type of things I have..
The kind of designs.. colours..

I recently signed up to being a member of the national museum..
(oh.. come to think of it.. I need to send them a picture of me..)

And now I wanna take up photography classes...
However I only have a Nikon FE2..
so I am not too sure if I am able to attend the class with that camera..
Considering it is quite an old one..

I even wanna take classes in fashion..
Learn about fabrics..
How to sew..
How to mix and match different materials..
What is the latest designs..
How to plan a fashion show..
All the work that goes on backstage from start to finish..
I wanna be in events.. to produce fashion shows..

Sometimes I think..
I should have just gone for my dreams when I was younger..
Then I would have more time to decide and then fall back to a proper job..
But some how.. here..
It is quite difficult to follow your dreams..
People will say.. dreamer.. unrealistic.. get a degree first..
Its not a proper job.. Etc..
I guess its peer pressure.. and monetary needs that drives me away from my dreams..

Fashion has always been my passion..
However.. given for the fact that my parents do not think anything will come out of it..
Its best to hold a stable.. 9-5 job.. in an air-conditioned cubicle.. job..

Why does it always boil down to this?